Father's Day

This weekend was not an easy weekend. I've decided that June is one of those months that I don't particularly care for any more.

Friday afternoon Tim Russert (NBC Meet the Press and Washington Bureau Chief) passed away of a heart attack. I don't really care for politics, but this man had a way of presenting the facts, and giving Americans the information they needed/wanted. As I watched his NBC colleagues remember him Friday night, I had a new found respect for the man, and felt sooo deeply for his wife and son, who he clearly cared so much about. His son had just graduated from college a few weeks before.

On any normal weekend this news probably would have affected me only slightly, and I would have felt sad, and sorry for a moment and moved on. But this particular weekend I'm missing my father more than words can explain.

As I was shopping for Father's Day gifts for Brian, and cards for my grandfather and Brian, I was okay, but with each day closer to Father's Day, I knew I wouldn't be able to make it through the weekend without some shed tears. Saturday was my breaking point. I started crying, and as always, Brian gave me a minute to collect my thoughts, before asking me if I wanted to talk.

I told him how it seems so unfair that God chooses to take the good ones, like my Dad, Tim Russert, my uncle Don, Brian's uncle Ed, but there are father's out there who beat their children/wives, verbally abuse their children, drive drunk and kill people, who escape death over and over again. My mom made a good point when I was telling her about my "moment" (as I call them), we need the good ones in heaven to be our angels.

Yesterday, I decided the only way I could make it through the day without the tears of missing my father was by celebrating my husband and his first father's day (because although I celebrated him last year, this year he had his baby girl in person to celebrate).

Brian, My love, My Husband, The Father of our beautiful, wonderful Emma,

I love the way Emma looks into your eyes, as though you're the most important person in her life. I love the way you look at Emma - with as much love as you look at me. I love the way she waits for you at the front door, watching you come up the walk, squealing with delight. I love the way she watches you do EVERYTHING, from mowing the lawn, to the every day things that make up our lives. I mostly love how when you're gone, she isn't quite herself because you're not there to hug her, kiss her, give her baths, and do all your wonderful Daddy stuff!
Thank you for doing all your Daddy things - telling her about the different parts of the airplane to keep her occupied, reading to her, giving her baths, changing the dirty, smelly diapers, when I've already changed two that day. Thank you for giving me "me time" so I can be a better mother and wife. Thank you for being better at some things with Emma (like bath time - she always looks at me like I'm not doing something right!). Thank you for finding the patients, when mine have seemed to have run away. Thank you for knowing the importance of family and helping to share this important thing in our daughter. Thank you for always wanting better for our family, and all the stressing (though I wish you wouldn't) and hard work you do so that we can be better.

You are such a wonderful father, our baby girl is so very lucky to have you as her father! You work so hard at everything you do, and I know some of that is so the people around you can be proud - Emma and I are so proud of all the things you do for our family. One thing that helps to make missing my Dad easier, is seeing what a wonderful Daddy you are to Emma, and to know she's just as lucky as I am!

I don't know if you remember or not, but you made a promise to my Dad two years ago Father's Day, that you would take care of his baby girl for him - I just want you to know that you are most certainly keeping your promise. My Dad is proud of who you are everyday, as a husband, as a father, and as you.

Happy Father's Day Brian! Emma and I love you!!

Happy Father's Day Daddy! I hope we're making your proud! I love you and miss you everyday!

Happy Father's Day Grandpa Perry, Tom, Grandpa Bohan, and all the other father's in our lives!